A.
So Ya’aqov left his home in the Holy Land, and traveled to Paddan Aram to find a wife. There, he met and fell in love with his cousin, Rachel, and contracted with her father, Lavan, to labor seven years for her hand in marriage. But Lavan cheated him, and he found himself married to Rachel’s older sister Le’a; so, he contracted for another seven to marry his beloved.
Le’a was compensated for her husband’s coolness toward her (understandable, under the circumstances) by being granted great fecundity. Rachel, on the other hand was barren, and the contrast caused her personally great emotional distress, as well as friction between the sisters: ותרא רחל כי לא ילדה ליעקב ותקנא רחל באחתה ותאמר ליעקב הבה לי בנים ואם אין מתה אני: ויחר אף יעקב ברחל ויאמר התחת אלקים אנכי אשר מנע ממך פרי בטן: (“And Rachel saw that she had not borne a child to Ya’aqov, and Rachel became jealous of her sister, and she said to Ya’aqov, I must have sons, and if not, I shall die! And Ya’aqov became angry with Rachel and said, Am I in place of G-d, Who has held back from you the fruit of the womb?” XXX, 1-2).
The midrash suggests that Rachel’s outburst was a plea that Ya’aqov pray on her behalf, and elaborates the conversation as follows: התחת אלקים אני כו' ממך מנע ממני לא מנע: א"ל כך עשה אביך לאמך?! לא חגר מתניו כנגדה?! א"ל אותו לא הי' לו בנים אבל אני יש לי בנים. א"ל וזקנך לא הי' לו בנים וחגר מתניו כנגד שרה. א"ל יכולה את לעשות כשם שעשתה זקנתי (“Am I in place of G-d... From you He has held back, from me He has not held back. She said to him, Did your father do thus to your mother?! Did he not go to war [i.e., pray] for her?! He said, He did not have any children, but I have children. She said, Did your grandfather not have children? And he ‘went to war’ for Sara! He said, You can do as my grandmother did....” ב"ר פע"א סי' י').
The conversation seems callous to the point of being surreal: Why should Ya’aqov so cavalierly refuse to pray for his wife, especially given that he was supposedly so much in love with her?
B.
The Talmud tells us how Ya’aqov’s parents had prayed for children: יצחק אבינו עקור הי' שנאמר "ויעתר יצחק לנכח אשתו". "על אשתו" לא נאמר אלא "לנוכח", מלמד ששניהם עקורים. א"ה "ויעתר לו" -- "ויעתר להם" מבעי לי'! לפי שאינו דומה תפילת צדיק בן צדיק לתפילת צדיק בן רשע (“Yitzchaq our father was infertile, as it is said, ‘And he prayed intensely in his wife’s presence’ [XXV, 21]; ‘for his wife’ is not said, but in [her] presence, [which] teaches that they were both infertile. If so, [the verse continues] ‘and Ha-Shem overturned for him’ - it ought to read ‘overturned for them!’ [It reads as it does] because the prayer of a tzaddiq ben tzaddiq is not like that of a tzaddiq ben rasha”; יבמות ס"ד.).
The point of the gmara seems to be that even though both Rivqa and Ya’aqov were infertile and praying earnestly for an end to the Divine decree of barrenness, it was his prayer that was answered, not hers, on the grounds that, as the son of Avraham, he was a tzaddiq ben tzaddiq, whilst she, though a tzaddeqeth in her own right, came from an idolatrous home. Hence, it seems, her t’filla was less efficacious than her husband’s.
But the gmara seems counter-intuitive: Surely a tzaddiq ben rasha, somebody who has struggled against the limitations of his upbringing and emerged victorious, a tzaddiq in his own right, is more meritorious than a tzaddiq ben tzaddiq, someone who has been nurtured since birth on the sterling example of his parents.
The Rosh seems to reach this very conclusion in one of his responsa (תשובות הרא"ש סי' ד), in which he advises that a ba’âl t’shuva, a penitent is prefereable as a shaliach tzibbur to lead his community in prayer, since Chazal tell us that מקום שבעלי תשובה עומדין צדיקים גמורים אינם עומדין (“In the place where ba’âlei t’shuva stand, complete tzaddiqim are unable to stand;” ברכות ל"ד.).
Armed with this, we turn to a comment of the Maharsha on the gmara cited supra: אע"ג דבפ"ק דברכות בעי למימר דיש צדיק וטוב לו כגון צדיק בן צדיק ויש צדיק ורע לו כגון צדיק בן רשע ואדחייא לה התם מדכתיב "לא יומתו אבות" גו' מ"מ לענין שתהא התפלה מקובלת יותר לבטל גזירת העקרות קיימא הך סברא כדאמר הכא (“Even though in the first chapter of Brachoth [7a] the claim is made that there is such a thing as a tzaddiq who has it good, i.e., a tzaddiq ben tzaddiq, and a tzaddiq who has it bad, i.e., a tzaddiq ben rasha, this is rejected over there on the basis of what is written: ‘Fathers will not be put to death [for the sins of the sons, nor sons for the sins of the fathers;’ Deuteronomy XXIV, 16]; in any event, in the matter that one’s prayer be more acceptable to nullify the decree of infertility, this statement stands as stated here”).
So, says the Maharsha, even though it is true that each of us stands or falls based on his own actions, and no one is “objectively guilty” of his parents’ misdeeds, in this particular case of praying for children, it apparently helps if one’s parents were tzaddiqim. A moment’s consideration reveals that the grandparents are often very important and influential in a child’s upbringing, whether for good or, chalila, the opposite. For that reason alone, one can see that the spouse whose parents are also righteous, upright role-models for the children to emulate will have an edge, such that his (or her) t’filloth carry more weight.
C.
Now let us return to our midrash and see if the conversation makes any more sense.
Rachel, it seems, asked Ya’aqov to pray for her in the same manner that his father, Yitzchaq, had done for Rivqa. Ya’aqov replied that his father’s t’filla was more effective than his mother’s for two reasons: First, Yitzchaq also was childless, and second, Yitzchaq was a tzaddiq ben tzaddiq. It would seem evident from the Maharsha that it was for these reasons that Ha-Shem answered his prayer and not hers.
However, comtinued Ya’aqov, in our case, I already have children. Hence, unlike my father, I would not be praying on my own behalf, but for you. In that case, Rachel, your own prayers will be far more effective than mine.
The foregoing also serves to explain why the example of Ya’aqov’s grandfather, Avraham, was also not applicable. Avraham, it is true, continued to pray for Sara even after Yishma’el was born. However, Avraham, ulike his grandson, was a tzaddiq ben rasha, and hence (as the Rosh implies) his t’filloth were more efficacious on behalf of somebody else.
Then, too, Sara, also a tzaddeqeth bath rasha, surely continued to pray for herself. Hence, Ya’aqov’s advice that Rachel do as his grandmother had done, and trust G-d.
D.
This, it seems to me, is a yesod, a fundamental concept in t’filla. It is surely the case that the t’filloth of others on one’s behalf are not wasted -- they serve to support and buttress ones own efforts. But it is not coincidental that the word hithpallél, “to pray” in the Holy Language, is reflexive, that is, the real object of the action is the subject himself, the davener. One must pray for oneself, if the t’filloth of others are to have any effect.
There is a wonderful story told about the Chassidic master known as the Shpoller zeyde. A young couple, the wife pregnant with their first child, came to the zeyde with the request that he pray that their child would be a tzaddiq. The zeyde heard their request, and demanded an exorbitant pidyon, a donation, for the service. The young husband got up and declared that for that kind of money, they would pray for themselves.
Which was exactly what the zeyde wanted to hear, before praying for them.
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